need another drink. this is the easiest way
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
