when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
