i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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