then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
