"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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