I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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