You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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