maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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