Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
