Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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