Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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