Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
