I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
