let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
