he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
