Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
