why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
