He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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