I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
