it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
