Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
