you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
