The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
