ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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