I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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