Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize