omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
