Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
