we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
