If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
