I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
