What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
