you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
