I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
