im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
