I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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