I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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