Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes

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(410): View more from Maryland

i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island

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(361): View more from Texas

Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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(614): View more from Ohio

yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

and what did he say?

(614): View more from Ohio

there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"

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(409): View more from Texas

You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.

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