i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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