he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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