just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
