Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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