hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
