things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
