theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
