If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
