You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
