I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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