That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
