We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
