O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
