no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
