New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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