yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
