Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
