Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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