guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
pop tarts are not kleenex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
