ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize