i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have post one night stand depression
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