It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
