my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
