Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
