did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
