why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize