We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
