4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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