you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
