Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
someone owes me an orgasm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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