Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pooping to opera.
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