I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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