i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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