Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
