I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
