Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
