He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
