i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize