Your dad touched me again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
